EU Faux Pas in the USA
As I was out having dinner with someone in a Manhattan restaurant last night, I began to think about how different we were as people, despite our common language and interests. When Sting wrote the lyric "Legal Alien", in many ways he really was conjuring up the best possible phrase for an Englishman in New York.
For the weekend then, I've decided to list seven of what I think are the most subtle but important mistakes English people and Europeans in particular make when they come to America. In fact, I think on many levels, these are some of the reasons for break-downs in political and business communications between the USA and the EU. If you can think of any more, post them in the comments section below.
So, if as a European you find yourself in the U.S.A., DO NOT:
1. Assume that your typically understated demeanor with be recognized and admired by your American colleagues. It won't. This is not to suggest that you should brag while in the company of Americans, but our trans-Atlantic brothers and sisters are very vocal about their achievements and positive proclivities, and you should take this as a license to do the same. The difference between Europeans and Americans here is that the latter actually want to hear about all the great, amazing things you've done, so you don't have to be afraid of selling yourself. In fact, if someone seems to be over-bragging about how brilliant they are, it's usually because you have not offered anything to the table yet in return, so take this as your cue to do so. However, a crucial disclaimer here: make sure you sell yourself in a way that is as deeply personal as possible (see 5), otherwise, being European, you risk coming off being somewhat aloof.
2. Politely respond to the question "how are you doing?" with a brief "fine, thanks" and walk away shyly without engaging in much further dialog. This is very rude, and Americans will just assume you are not interested in talking to them, or that you think something is wrong with them. If you're buying something, like a coffee, it's perfectly acceptable to respond with "how are you doing?" back, while not answering the question, and place your order. In Northern Europe especially, we are not naturally inclined towards rapport with people we do not know, and tend to get quite defensive when someone asks this question up front: remember, this is essentially a culture of immigrants, so think like one.
3. Try to exaggerate an overseas experience for dramatic effect. Or, for that matter, underestimate the intelligence of your American companion. Once you start getting into the swing of things, you'll realize how a) generally untraveled your American colleagues are, and b) how much they enjoy listening to your overseas adventures as a result. In such situations, it is often tempting to add little fictional details to a place/event in order to enhance it for dramatic effect. Don't. There are two reasons for this. Reason one is that however brash they might come off at first, Americans are incredibly brilliant bull-shit detectors. Probably because of the largely commercial nature of the country, Americans are hard-wired to find you out, so play authentic. Secondly, as untraveled as your American companion may well be, remember that this is a culture of very recent immigration, and so someone probably has a third-cousin/half-brother/sister-in-law from the place you're talking about, or at least near-by. Essentially, this all boils down to a crucial key point, that you must never, ever forget. Do not underestimate the intelligence of American people. Just because they come off less "broadly trained" than you are, this does not mean they are not extremely savvy people. There's a reason this place has become the largest self-sufficient economy in the world in a tenth of the time it took European countries.
4. Seize every point an American colleague is saying in a debate by analyzing and deconstructing his/her sentence structure word-by-word and pointing out the flaws in his/her logic. Your apparent logical brilliance will not be appreciated, but most of all, it won't be understood. You will in fact come off looking stupid. This temptation arises out of a two-fold dichotomy: Americans use very bold and political language to convey their points, and in such a situation Europeans are trained from a young age to take apart, bit-by-bit, what their opponent is saying and return that sentence as a direct challenge of whether they know what they are talking about or not. This is not the case in America: using bold and strong language is perfectly acceptable, and most Americans think you are just wasting time or don't get it if you continually defer back to empirical logic when arguing with them. By all means fine-tune your own sentences, but attack the concepts they are putting forward in debate, not their debating style.
5. Hold back on sharing fairly intimate/personal stories on a first meeting. This will make you seem as if you have something to hide and will not endear you to people quickly. It is perfectly acceptable to talk about your qualities and faults with loquacious and detailed stories as if you had known the person for years. In Europe, this is somewhat inappropriate behavior, and in certain parts of Europe especially, it is guaranteed to send people running away quicker than you can order the next round of drinks. In America, however, it shows you are confident and happy with the person that you are, you have nothing to hide, and that you are genuinely interested in getting to know your colleagues.
6. Assume that anyone who is on some kind of anti-depressant or who has been on one/several is insane and that you shouldn't talk to them. Medication, and anti-depressants in particular, are pretty near popular culture in America, and loads of people have taken them. Be aware too that most Americans are fascinated by the effects of anti-depressants, and will happily talk about multiple types of drugs and their benefits/side-effects with great interest and relish. If someone tells you an experience about their time on Prozac, ask something like "did it help?" and then share a similar experience of a time when you were really depressed.
7. Assume that every American is pro-war in Iraq. I shouldn't need to point this out, but it's still a huge stereotype. Americans have a whole diverse range of political views, and you'll encounter them in all their glorious and inglorious aspects, because they also love to talk about politics. In fact, politics is a very good conversation starter in America, so don't be afraid to ask someone who they are going to vote for at the next election right off the bat. But, do be aware that while not every American supports military combat elsewhere in the world, by far the majority believe that America itself has fundamentally very good intentions, and that the country really does want the best for everyone. This is not a concept you should challenge until you know someone at least quite well.
*UPDATE* Thanks for dropping by and for all your comments. This post - quite unsurprisingly - seems to have generated a strong emotional reaction in many cases. Due to the overwhelming number of comments here then, I'm going to list and further expound some of what I think are the best pieces of further advice given by the American readers themselves. If you have any more, or you agree or disagree with me, keep posting them in the comments below because I will respond.
First a quick blog promotion. This blog is about the global economy and specifically globalization's impacts on markets and visa versa. I occasionally get political but mostly try and keep the polemics as economically grounded as possible, so it's different in that respect. The following is for sure: what you read here is probably better advice than what you'll read elsewhere on the global economy, and America's situation within it, and you won't find many of the ideas expressed here elsewhere either. I'm a freelance financial journalist (go to my about page), and to make a success of being a freelancer, you have to write accurately, informatively, and you have to have an edge that others don't have, simple as that. You're in business for yourself. In other words, keep coming back. E-mail me or post a comment if you're interested in a perspective on something and you want me to write about it, and most likely I will. Hat tip to Glenn Reynolds for linking to me again, too.
Now, from readers (and with my explanations), some further DO NOT's:
8. Assume that because wealth is greatly admired and sought after in the United States, your inherited wealth will be similarly admired. It won't. This has to be one of the fundamental differences between continental Europe (excluding Scandinavia) and America. Americans like self-made people, people who got their hands dirty earning their money and have all the bruises to show for it. If you have made a lot of money yourself, fair play. If you have inherited wealth on the other hand, play it down if possible, because to American eyes, you haven't done anything to earn it. You can throw a lavish dinner party with the youngest and trendiest Lords and Ladies (such as would be greatly admired in London) of course, and while some Americans may appreciate the invitation, most who go along will do so in order to see the eccentric 'circus act' you've put on, not to get to know you in any meaningful way. The irony is, it is usually the people who have inherited wealth who are most self-conscious about displaying what they have in the United States. They should in fact be self-conscious about playing it cool, not playing it up.
9. Draw parallels between European pre-industrial revolution colonialism and America's post-world war II involvement in world economies and politics. This is guaranteed to get you thrown out of a conversation circle, unless you know the people you are talking to very well. It is also, however, an incorrect comparison, however easy it is for Europeans to draw parallels. Americans do not see themselves as colonizers of the world in the way Europeans once were, and in fact, they are right about this too. The American Empire has tended to economically try and dominate the world, rather than control it politically, whereas the Europeans were chiefly political in terms of their ambitions for individual countries (which is also why they ultimately lost them). If you disagree with this statement, just look at the vastly different intentions of the U.K. and the U.S.A. in Hong Kong, and for that matter, in China.
10. Make assumptions about America or American people based on what you have seen on Hollywood movies. Again, this shouldn't need to be re-iterated, but it's a classic fault, time and time again, of Europeans when they think of Americans. The best parallel I can give to show how inaccurate such portrayal of Americans and America is, is that given of the English or the French in such movies. Do all English drink tea and speak like they were educated at the most expensive boarding schools in the country? (Answer; maybe 1%) Are all French red-wine drinking,pot-smoking miscreants? (Answer; this is a very specific sub-set of Parisians generally living within the wealthier arrondisements).
11. Assume that once you've been to one part of America you know it all. This may undermine some of my previous points, because they focus on generally broad aspects of the U.S.A, but it is true - America is an enormous country, and as a result, it's probably best to bear in mind how different the U.K. and Greece are. Double that distance and you haven't even covered the longitude of America.
12. Be afraid to ask for a pay rise. Bargaining and negotiating is at the heart of American culture, and is a major factor in what has driven this highly commercial and competitive country to number one economic status. In some cases, if you don't, you will just get left behind. In fact, as an example of this, an American friend of mine told me the other day that she "figured I should stay in the job a month before negotiating for more money." To most Europeans, you would be lucky after a year if you were able to negotiate a pay increase. Not so in the U.S.A. It's a deal-driven environment, and you should similarly have fun rainmaking and driving deals, wherever you are on the economic plateau.
**UPDATE** I've received a fair bit of e-mail from this post and thread, and there seems too to be quite a lot of other threads at different sites discussing this piece. This e-mail from reader Byron says something which it's especially worth remembering, I think:
Great article, well written and well treated. This kind of clear, respectful, honest analysis of the differences in our two cultures is increasingly valuable these days as the US-EU transatlantic alliance should be one of the strongest forces for human rights worldwide, rather than the constant bickering match to which it recently seems to have degraded. We have differences we need to overcome to accomplish that, and doing so requires respectful understanding and acceptance of our cultural, political, and historical differences.
Absolutely on-the-money. Building our trans-atlantic political and economic alliances to create a power center which is capable of doing bigger and better things is exactly what both Europe and the United States should be striving for, and it's what Britain and America have been doing since the fall of the British Empire and the rise of the American Empire.
In many cases though, economic reality speaks louder than all others, and that means it's time for the continental European countries - in particular France and Germany - to begin playing ball a little more. This will ultimately benefit these current naysayers economically, too. As an example of an economy which has successfully done so, Spain, prompted in this direction under Aznar's excellent leadership, derived massive growth both in terms of it's import/exports and capital market growth as a result.
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